I have seen 46 summers and have had migraine for about 30 years, but it has worsened of late. The verdict was in, "Have an M.R.I. Brain. Let's rule out everything!" breezed my charming doctor. 'Everything' being the unknown variable V encompassing all forms of unforeseen disaster and doom!
So - appointment taken, fees paid (cheaper than a David Guetta concert - one more reason to get an M.R.I. Brain!) I was led like a lamb to the slaughter! To begin with I was weighed, as the machine limit is 300 pounds. Three kilos down! Miracles do happen! Hurrah!
I don't suppose many of you may have seen an M.R.I. machine. It looks something like an igloo with a protruding stretcher. I wasn't unduly alarmed as I have been through this drill before. About seven years ago, the charming but perplexed doctor had also wanted to rule everything out.
I lay on the stretcher flat on my back and was given some cotton wool to plug my ears. That is like trying to put out a forest fire with a watering can! I was bound, though not gagged, asked to lie still and was bunged into the machine. Been there, done that, so did it again! I am a most co-operative patient, ask anyone. Protests do not cut ice with doctors.
A whooshing sound and it was showtime! I recognized the opening bars of something my son plays on his amplifier. Definitely David, I mentally clapped my hands for recognizing the track. The volume was ummm - loud, rather make that deafening - but so is the kids' music! So it wasn't too alien an environment, oh no! I was quite at home in my little igloo. After a while of this technotronic music I started juddering. Someone seemed to be bashing the machine with heavy blows. Mercifully, it soon stopped. Then a jazz band struck up a few notes. "???" in a blurb sprung up in my mind as I was not supposed to speak. A variation of the same, I realized with a mental sigh! Had I sighed out loud, M.R.I. phut!!
A dull ache in the upper storey mounted from the base of the skull to the top. Then the ache became a throb and the throb felt like I was at the receiving end of a battering ram! I willed away the pain, or tried to, when a sudden thought struck me! This could be a cure for total deafness! Such an infernal racket may well jangle dormant or dead auditory nerves into action!
Then a voice interrupted my reflections saying, "Ho gaya!" I remained still until I was completely unstrapped; and then arose. The room swam. Now what? "LSD distributed at the concert silly!" I chided myself. I gingerly stepped off and sat upon a chair drained of the joi de vivre.
I soon tottered to the office for my collection slip and staggered home like a dypsomaniac!