The cover of Robin Cook's 'Brain' flashed before my eyes! A woman with a lovely face - ahem - shaved bald - ugh - with electrodes and wires on the skull!
"Mom!" I shrieked, "will there be needles?" I am still mortally terrified of hypodermics.
"No," she said. rolling her eyes. Having a pink cheeked dearie roll her eyes at you is worse than having a 14 year old brat do so!
"Will they shave me??"
"Don't be ridiculous!" came a sharp retort. "We are not in the 19th century!"
So, appointment taken, I was told to wash my hair sans conditioner and other gunk. Not condition it? Madorwot! That meant stepping out with scrubbing brush unruly hair! I have this gadget which is supposed to infuse keratin and ions and some such poppycock, that brushes your hair while drying it and semi-straightening it. I wasn't too displeased with the result! I got big Katrina Kaif-ish waves.
At the hospital I was made to lie on a couch, in vacant and pensive mood heheh, looked up and saw a mural with dark green fish swimming in aqua green water. Well it failed to soothe me, so much for soothing green.
"Close your eyes and relax," I was told. Obeyed. Glue was put on my scalp and something I mercifully could not see was taped on... electrodes I was told later!
"Relax!" I was admonished. "Unclench the jaw!" Unclenched said jaw, unballed tight fists and discovered clenched glutes!! Whoops! I took Shavaasana which incidentally is the only aasan I know, being a lazy lump.
After a while, "Try to sleep," he intoned. Madorwot? I can't sleep at night! How am I going to sleep on an exam couch? Checking my R.E.Ms; I knew it. I didn't even reach the first stage of the sleep cycle. What was he recording then?
A moment later, lights were flashed at an alarming frequency right at my shut eyes! I saw pretty patterns in orange and blue - but NO epileptic reaction.
Then it was done and I was pronounced normal.
My expenditure on diagnostics seems to be taking the form of Retail Therapy!